Stick ‘Em Up (Any Hole On Blake Lively)

You know what made Heat so incredibly badass? Michael Mann spent years researching the world of high stakes heists. He employed technical advisors with outstanding FBI warrants. His revisionist-revisionist-neo-western thematic (ow, college) came full circle to the days of Shane, this time dragging the baggage of a psyche long desensitized by the very hyper-violence it created querying the American identity against unforgiving terrain.

The Town is a heist movie. What’s it have?
Well it has Ben Affleck, who proved himself an able director helming Gone Baby Gone. It has Jeremy Renner who earned an Oscar nod for The Hurt Locker. Jon Hamm is a nuance Jedi if need be. Rebecca Hall, daughter of Royal Shakespeare Company founder Sir Peter Hall is understandably great as Clare Keesey. Chris Cooper owns a scene in there. So does Pete Postlethwaite. I know Blake Lively had lines but they were impossible to hear over her shiny tits screaming for gravity to fuck off. (It did). So why does The Town feel like someone clipped its balls?

Taken out of context, Rebecca Hall could be the most redeeming part of this movie. Her performance is perfect considering all her character goes through. But therein lies a problem with The Town. Do you remember any of the women in Heat (BESIDES 13 year old Natalie Portman)? What about The Usual Suspects? The Bank Job? Heist? Thief? See what I’m getting at. I’m not saying there’s no place in heist film for loving snatch, rather there exists a certain sexism in the genre; love and theft act to the detriment of one another. Bear with me.

The audience of a heist movie desires two things. First, they want the characters to be so relatable they may perversely enjoy rooting for a criminal. Second, they want to see how much of the self a criminal is willing to risk for his score. To be criminal is to oppose ideologically the very boundaries keeping audience safe from pirates during their viewing experience. Despite this viewers will still judge the extent of one’s criminality as a measure of desired liberty and be drawn to appreciate it by virtue of their own Americaness. The 'criminal' fascinates audiences with a unique selfishness, one that is supremely confident while at the same time devoid of vanity. Heist movies are most hypnotic when a sympathetic criminal cares for nothing more than the exercise of his agency and we, the audience, want to see what lovely thing’s he’ll shit on to get it. Like the heroes of monument valley before them the filmic criminal's inability to settle, to raise families, to commune meaningfully with other people is not a mark of sociopathy or social rejection as may be the case in real life, but rather a measure of will – an all and all admirable quality. It is Hollywood's opinion, through lack of evidence to the contrary, that audiences will not accept this kind of behavior from a woman. Ergo our truly great bank robbers, safe crackers, cattle hustlers, and jewel thieves are men.

Ben Affleck plays Doug MacRay. Doug MacCray robs banks with automatic weapons. Surprisingly Doug MacRay is also a complete pussy. He’s moved to violence only when someone disrespects a girl he has a crush on. Everything we know from pure examples of American cinema would suggest that Doug MacRay is not a character that should be robbing banks. In the hyper-violent world these characters inhabit the only fitting punishment for such an affront is to get shot to shit. This way the audience is also punished for indulging in their own criminal fantasy. I found it disappointing that in The Town only the bad-bad guys die. The good-bad guy gets away, presumably scot-free. It’s bullshit.

Jon Hamm plays S.A. Adam Frawley. I think it’s a shame an actor of such nuance – one who can seemingly fill and deflate the small screen while maintaining a forgotten height of masculinity– is relegated to a G man screaming clichés. I have no idea why Adam Frawley gives a shit about any of this. He is always pissed off. Why? Does he not realize he deals exclusively in that kind of criminal? Even child crime detectives eventually get used to triplets in a freezer. Did he inherit this job from a beloved uncle? He moonlight in a jazz club? You hunt bank robbers, Adam, don’t look shocked when OH MY GOD A BANK GOT ROBBED. I did enjoy Hamm’s intensity even if the Bureau his character worked for felt dioramic. I hope to god Hamm is given more to chew his next time on the big screen.

Jeremy Renner plays Jem, the resident hot head in MacRay’s crew. My main problem with his character is that his hot-headedness has zero consequence. Remember in Heat when Waingrow shot the guard solely to satisfy bloodlust? That kind of sets up the rest of the movie. Sure, Jem decides to take a hostage, launching the love plot with MacRay and Clare, but this isn’t a direct result of his temperament. This temperament (his most defining character trait) is used only to intensify arguments he has with MacRay. This is hot air considering they’re ride or die butt buddies and we know it won’t come to gat-pullin’. What little play Jem has in the story Renner fills admirably. All in all the relationships are well dramatized if you’re willing to accept some self conscious writing.


There is an element of humor in The Town I feel was entirely misplaced. Without explaining them all in detail, I counted four ‘jokes’ and found only one to be appropriate. These jokes reminded the audience they were seeing a movie, and not experiencing a story. While they would have been perfect in Oceans…Nineteen? These moments detract from a grittiness the film tries very hard to earn.

I understand Affleck was under a great deal of pressure to deliver a cash cow (and he did). His previous film Gone Baby Gone was surprisingly tight and psychological for a freshmen effort. Parts of The Town feel like his direction is on par – but ultimately the characters and narrative owe allegiance towards setting up spectacular robberies and violent gunplay, and not to delivering any lasting insight into the what or why of ‘the criminal.’ Truth be told, the action is great, though at times the car chase got a bit confusing. The gunplay was properly visceral and I’m glad this style came into vogue over that bullshit you see in Jason Statham movies. I guess we have Michael Mann to thank for that.

And finally…

Blake Lively is so fuxing hot I’d eat Cold Stone Cake Batter from her ass and not even bother with sprinkles. I’m not talking about from the cheek like a plate, I’m talking go-gurt style astronaut cuisine. That is all. Oh, and there is a certain awareness present in her scenes that – again – reminds us we’re watching a starlet act for the sake of her career. It’s like when golden era Hollywood stars would play ‘courtesans’ or ‘poor girls’ and you were like ‘that’s still Rhonda Flemming and I still lack sufficient suiting to talk to her.’ Just replace the glamour and class of the era with a rape inspiring whorishness.